Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Journaling

Last February I stumbled across the journaling site 750words.com and started journaling there.

The website is based on Julia Cameron's morning pages as described in The Artist's Way.

I read the book years ago and have done morning pages on and off over the years, writing in long hand on notebook paper.  I would keep the pages in manila envelopes and hide them in my office and then toss them every couple of years.

The webiste gives badges as you hit milestones they've set up.  In November I received the 100,000 words badge.

Isn't that crazy?  I'm not going to call it writing because it's not.  It's journaling. I write just about 750 words a day (the website pings you when you hit 750) and it's pretty much stream of conscious nonstop writing until I'm done.  It usually takes me 10 - 15 minutes.

Much of it is just gibberish and self-indulgent whining.  It's stuff that's floating around in my head or stuck deep deep down inside me and it needs to come out and for me that happens when I write. I think of it as taking out the trash.  Quite often it's stuff I didn't even realize was bothering me and I end up going on and on about it.

Other times I think I have this big issue to write about and I write two sentences and I'm done.  This thing I've been carrying around with me and holding onto and thinking was overwhelming and gargantuan is just done.  Put in it's place.  Put in perspective.  Put away.

My bout of depression and severe anxiety earlier this year as accompanied by a total lack of journaling.  I know I need to do it during those times and when I'm in that dark place and completely stuck I feel like I'm up against the wall and I can't get to anything I need to do to take care of myself.

I didn't even realize the website tracked the total number of words written until I got the 100,000 word badge.  Now I check my total every few days.  It's just a little incentive and a reminder that I am taking care of myself and that I can take the time to take care of myself and that by doing so I am able to care for others.

Which is why we are here.  Which is what I forget when I get all freaked out and down and focused on myself.  Which just spirals and starts a horrible cycle.

Taking care of myself allows me to take care of others.  Being my true self gives me the space, freedom, peace and confidence to reach out to others.  To connect and to serve.





Monday, December 22, 2014

Quiet House, Take Two

Here I am again, quiet house.  Sleeping dogs.  The Husband at work.  The 16 year old sleeping and the 12 year old hiding in the bedroom, afraid I will tell him to get off his phone already.

I will.  But I'm using his addiction to my advantage at the moment.

My goal today is to NOT GO TO THE STORE.  I know I'm going to end up going to the grocery store because I have some weird addiction to Publix and I can't seem to go more than a day or two without popping in there.  And it's Christmas and I keep thinking of all these wonderful things I want to make.

I found out yesterday we are having pizza for Christmas Dinner.  Surprise to me. For a split second I was upset/disappointed and then that feeling was immediately replaced with relief.

I was already trying to figure out what to tell the mothers to bring.  The only thing worse then thinking of food for them to bring to my house is coming up with gift ideas for them to give my kids.

J16 is still sick and D12 was running a fever last night and his cough is horrible.  Another one of my millions of bad habits is second guessing antibiotic prescriptions for my kids and not giving them all of it.  Which is what I did with D12's antibiotic prescription from two weeks ago.   I'm a little worried I'm going to end up taking them both to the quick clinic and getting them both on meds.

I think they are going to be sick over Christmas which is pretty horrible.

This isn't going to stop me from making the gingerbread men today and stuffing them full of sugar which will just make the congestion worse.  It's Christmas.  One must do what one must do.

The Husband finished building the shelves in the pantry closet last night and today I am filling them with the pantry items that have been sitting in my dining room for a couple of weeks.

We built a new kitchen this summer and fall.  Yes you should be impressed.  Yes I need to post pictures.  We gutted the kitchen Memorial Day Weekend.  We are pretty much done except for some trim work, painting touch up, curtain sewing and stuff like that.

This morning I am going to take all the small kitchen appliances that have lived on top of the fridge and the counter and stuffed haphazardly into the old yucky pantry closet and put them on their wonderful new shelf.   The Husband also built space for the cookie sheets and cooling racks and frying pans to slide into.

Well, I'm off to treat the coughing and the fevers and to hopefully find the missing gingerbread man cookie cutter.  Which will most likely not happen and will result in a trip to the store. Sigh.